Best Friend

I have had my fair share of friends, but somehow there has seldom been someone who I can refer to as my "best friend". I am not sure why is that the case - may be I have unreasonably high expectations from this person.

I am in touch with few of my friends from school, few from junior college, few from the colony in which I spent my childhood, somewhat more friends from my undergrad, few from my place of work etc. Months pass by without us getting in touch. My idea of a best friend is not this. A best friend would be one with whom one would want to talk every week or so, if not daily. One would want to share everything that is happening in life, everything that one is thinking of and so on. One could be oneself and when I said sharing, I meant even if it is silence that one shares, the other person understands and does not mind.

This person stands by you in times when you most need someone. You can ask for inputs, voice your concerns / issues that bother you, allay your apprehensions etc. Any behaviour from your side would be understood.

It is not to say that there is no onus on you. Whatever you expect, you should yourself do that for your 'best friend'.

There have been times (only a small number, may be 1-2) when I thought that I had found my 'best friend'. But somehow I have always managed to lose this person due to fault of my own. The other side goes along for a long time but there should be some response. I don't tell them what I think they should do and then expect them to guess. I don't tell them what I don't like and then expect them to find out. I try to control their lives, probably to a very large extent.

Sometimes, I feel making a 'best friend' is not a good thing for me. For the pain from the loss is huge. And when you have no one else but yourself to blame, it becomes even bigger. Somehow, I also feel that you should be the 'best friend' of your best friend for a lasting 'best friendship'.