Listening

“Most people like to talk, especially if you let them know you’re interested in what they’re saying.”

I was planning to write a post on listening when I came across this statement in a book. It seems a good way to start the post.

Listening, I have realized over a period, is one of the most important things in life. I now understand the importance of being a good listener as well as that of finding someone who would listen to you. I am not sure how good a listener I am, and would let others comment on that. But one thing I would say, I try my best.

When I talk to someone, I would obviously like people to listen to me. In general, they would seem to. However, the general person would really be interested, if there is something in my words that he could gain from. I am not complaining, it’s rather fair.

Some would say that the listener should really be interested and not just pretend to be. To me, even pretension would do, until the time it is good enough to hide any major apparent disinterest. Even if the other person is less concerned but cares enough and makes an effort to hide that feeling, I think some credit needs to be given.

The importance of fillers such as “hmmm”, “uh-huh” etc. and body gestures like nodding of head etc. goes without saying. But an excess would do more harm than good.

One tendency that I have, and I think many have, is to take a point from the speaker and either give my experience with a related topic or share my view. Though this might indicate that I was listening, it might seem interruptive at times. The speaker might not mind that most of the times, but sometimes it might get quite irritating. I believe, that the listener should talk as little as possible just to keep the conversation on track and productive.

When listeners show full interest when the speaker is speaking, and start with their own stuff as soon as that person gets done, it might not feel that there was interest in the first place. Though there might have been, but it feels that it was pretense. The speaker might cut short things that were to be shared. This might happen when both the speaker and the listener have something to share (and both consider their stuff important). Well, this is also the time of examination for how good a listener you are.

Finally, the significance of silence cannot be forgotten. Though one might feel that if everything gets spoken clearly, it will lead be the best. Nevertheless, the power of silence goes beyond, at least some times, any spoken word. Actually, one might not realize how much silence communicates.