Best Friend

I have had my fair share of friends, but somehow there has seldom been someone who I can refer to as my "best friend". I am not sure why is that the case - may be I have unreasonably high expectations from this person.

I am in touch with few of my friends from school, few from junior college, few from the colony in which I spent my childhood, somewhat more friends from my undergrad, few from my place of work etc. Months pass by without us getting in touch. My idea of a best friend is not this. A best friend would be one with whom one would want to talk every week or so, if not daily. One would want to share everything that is happening in life, everything that one is thinking of and so on. One could be oneself and when I said sharing, I meant even if it is silence that one shares, the other person understands and does not mind.

This person stands by you in times when you most need someone. You can ask for inputs, voice your concerns / issues that bother you, allay your apprehensions etc. Any behaviour from your side would be understood.

It is not to say that there is no onus on you. Whatever you expect, you should yourself do that for your 'best friend'.

There have been times (only a small number, may be 1-2) when I thought that I had found my 'best friend'. But somehow I have always managed to lose this person due to fault of my own. The other side goes along for a long time but there should be some response. I don't tell them what I think they should do and then expect them to guess. I don't tell them what I don't like and then expect them to find out. I try to control their lives, probably to a very large extent.

Sometimes, I feel making a 'best friend' is not a good thing for me. For the pain from the loss is huge. And when you have no one else but yourself to blame, it becomes even bigger. Somehow, I also feel that you should be the 'best friend' of your best friend for a lasting 'best friendship'.

Reproducing some awesome content

I had mentioned about a few links that I really liked. I recently realized that these have been removed by the author. However, thankfully I was able to find them on Google Search through their cached function. So that I don't lose this, am reproducing the same here. These were written by one of my seniors.

Discover the joy of free-riding (originally at http://aishrejoy.blogspot.com/2005/04/top-5-things-to-look-forward-to.html)

Free-riders are the most selfless souls on this planet (NOT to be confused with WIMWI bikers' club). They kill their own ambitions and refrain from doing any work, only so that their fellow group members can enhance their learning. They give others the opportunity to work under pressure and handle difficult situations on their own. Once in a while, a novice free-rider might offer to make the cover page. However, a seasoned free-rider understands the perils of such seemingly altruistic actions and ensures that the group is not dependant on him for anything. In fact, it can very well be said that behind every successful man, there's a free-rider. Would Vindi Banga have been the head honcho of HLL if not for the services of the nameless, faceless free-rider in his study group?? No chance!!
Free-riders have perfected the art of disappearing. Their cellphones mysteriously switch off and their room phone goes off the hook just minutes before a group meeting. Legend has it that there was once a meeting called of the world's greatest free-riders. Nobody turned up. They free-rode on that too!!



Buzzwords!! (originally at http://aishrejoy.blogspot.com/2005/02/buzzwords.html)

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or vice versa? Use the all-new Techno vocabulary. It can be called the "Buzzword" writing method. It is simple and highly effective.

There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. balanced _______ 0. management ________ 0. contingency
1. total___________ 1. organization ________ 1. hardware
2. integrated_______2. reciprocal___________ 2. projection
3. compatible ______ 3. monitored __________ 3. time-frame
4. synchronized_____ 4. digital_____________ 4. concept
5. optimal_________ 5. modular___________ 5. programming
6. responsive_______6. transitional_________ 6. mobility
7. functional_______ 7. incremental_________ 7. capability
8. parallel_________ 8. third-generation______ 8. flexibility
9. systemized______ 9. policy _____________ 9. options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability".

Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they are so they won't say anything!!

You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve "optimal transitional flexibility" (568), so that we can think of an "integrated monitored projection" and your boss will probably promote you or your customer will be blown away with your technological superiority!

Response from Air India

It was nice to receive a response to my email letter to Air India. It was a personal response to the query, which is good. May be they really could not do much about these things, as they say. I am not sure if I would choose the airline, the next time I have the option of using it. But you never know how this response influences my choice of flight.

I reached Air India through Consumer Online Resource and Empowerment Centre. I am not sure if this would be effective for everything, but I guess for government companies, this forum is useful.

The response went as follows:

Dear Mr. A,

We have your mail dated Sep 03, 08 addressed to the Manager, Dept of Complaint Redressal Cell, CORE Centre.

We sincerely regret the inconvenience faced by you due to the dysfunctional In- flight Entertainment system on our flight from Mumbai to New York.

As you maybe aware, our new state- of- the- art aircraft are fitted with the latest on board facilities that are fully computerised. Electronic failures, you will appreciate are unpredictable and can affect the best of devices. In this case, due to passengers giving multiple commands the system hangs up which results in the impairment of the functioning of the Entertainment system / overhead lights or seat recline functions. Unfortunately, despite the rebooting by the crew if it still remains non operational, these defects can only be corrected by our Engineering department when the aircraft returns to the base station Mumbai or New York. Nonetheless, the same was rectified by our personnel at New York.

We thank you for your understanding and trust you will not deny us the pleasure of being of service to you in the near future.

With kind regards

Yours sincerely,
...

Dowry

As I reach my 25th birthday, I kind of feel that I am crossing an important threshold. There would be expectations from me that I would have to meet. Not that this wasn’t the case before, but it would be more so now.

The time has also come when your friends start getting married. I have attended a couple of these weddings and had to miss some others due to other commitments. Though I am a little disappointed at having to miss these, I know there are many more to come.

One important question about weddings that gets discussed is the amount of dowry that is involved. There has been news that the demand for MBAs like me has gone down and that the dowry amounts have decreased. The question of dowry is becoming a little irrelevant as the culture of love marriages is increasing. As I understand, there is no concept of demanding a dowry in love marriages though I am not too sure, but that is what I have heard.

I thought that I should write a post about my view since that ways I would be clearer about my thought. I am not saying this just because it is the ‘right’ thing to say. In fact, it might not be the thing which everyone says i.e. “Taking and giving dowry is wrong / a crime”. I am of the view that demanding dowry is a big sin, but taking dowry is not. To my mind there is a subtle difference.

Demanding is when you negotiate with the girl’s family about the amount they would spend in the marriage and what you would get. Taking is to take whatever is given to the girl by her parents. Obviously, if you demand and then take, the taking does not justifying the demanding.

The idea is that one should not demand and neither expect anything as dowry. Even if the parents want to give a large dowry, one should try and convince them to give nothing or as low an amount as possible. One should show that there is nothing that you require and there is ample in your family to take care of all the needs of your to-be-wife. Employ any method to try and lower the dowry.

But still the parents of the girl have a right to give what they want to, to their daughter. Just as parents work hard for their sons, they do so for their daughters. Their love for their daughters might entail the want to give her everything that would make her life comfortable.

When one gives a gift to a friend, does it happen only when the friend cannot afford something? Gifts are a way of showing that you care. It is something you want to do, even though you can get away without doing it. Why can’t a similar case exist in the case of dowry? Giving even though one need not for there are no demands or expectations.

I understand that this is not so black and white. There may be demands or expectations in the mind and the justification given could be that we are just taking what is being offered. The social pressure would automatically lead to an expectation and the case would be that the boy's side does not even have to demand (the girl's side has to fulfill the unsaid expectation). In that case, you are deceiving yourself. And this might be the reason that a blanket ban on giving and taking of dowry is kind of justified.

Abortion and dowry are very connected. Female feticide in India happens mainly because of the huge expenses that are related with the marriage of the daughter. I firmly believe that any sin that is associated with these abortions would have to be shared by the people in the society that demand dowry.

To say or not to say

I have written before about the reasons for writing blogs. One always has to remember that it could be read by anyone. I have found instances when people write something and delete that post. It might be the case, which the person wanted to write a better post. But sometimes this is because one somehow gets the feeling that it would not be good if the post remains there.

My reading list on the web can be seen in the left sidebar. I use Google Reader to get the posts from these sites as soon as the sites are updated. It happens that sometimes I read the post within the Reader itself and sometimes use the link to go the site to read it where it is written.

Recently, I got a post from one of the blogs that I read in my Reader. It was clear that the writer was in a sorry state of mind and wanted to share his feelings. Though I am not sure if he did find some other outlet for his emotions, he definitely chose to put them on his blog. I thought that the minimum I can do is to leave a comment on the post and so thought of following the link.

My browser showed me a page that said that the post did not exist. I thought that it might be a mistake. I again clicked the link in my Reader and again got to the same page. It became clear that the author chose to remove the post. I am aware that sometimes people write things imagining stuff and it might not portray reality. But the fact that the post was removed confirmed that it was for real.

The dilemma I faced was whether – to send the author an email mentioning the post and writing what I planned to leave as a comment – or just not do anything for clearly the author did not want anyone to read his stuff. I chose the latter.

Hope things become better at the author’s end.

My Dorm

I wrote about my dorm (where I am spending my 2 years of graduation) as part of something, a while back. Posting here what I wrote ... a bit edited though.

***

Dorm is THE best thing which could have happened to me here. Initially, it felt that the dorm thing is may be over-hyped. But as time passed, the truth was before my eyes. It may sound as if I am not being rational here (or stupid, immature), but I am ready to sacrifice anything within my capacity at IIMA for staying in the dorm.

... I was so looking forward to spending next year with my dorm mates – old and new. With the heavy academic load, I hadn’t had enough time to interact with them (or so I feel).

It was only now that we had started playing cricket. Only now that we had started eating Maggi in the night. Only now that we watched cricket matches together. Only now that we joked around. Only now … only now. My dorm mates always took care of me. They woke me up, otherwise I would have missed so many classes and sometimes quizzes. We went to the classes in the morning together. We always went together for breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner to the mess. We went for dinner outside together. My dorm mates always took me along. I know if they would have not asked, I would have missed meals so many times, for going alone for meals is pathetic.

So, if you want to make the dorm culture responsible for my good health, for me attending classes, for me having regular meals, for me enjoying my stay at this place and want to punish me for this ...

I will tell you what I did not like about this culture. The fact that people shared my joys and sorrows. The fact that I could depend on them. The fact that I could ask for help (in acads or whatever). The fact that when I felt alone, I was able to go to someone in my dorm and talk to him and get away with all the depressing feelings I had. The aspect that it felt as family. Come on, who requires all this. People are right when they think that this can be done away with.

The PGP-2s (tuchchas) were so helpful, so caring; just cannot describe. Be it acads or any other stuff, they guided us like no one else would do. The best part was that we do not have anything to offer them. And they know that. Still they went out of their way to do things for us. Many a times they thought about us more than we did about ourselves. I will like to mention one event here. Those who went on exchange among the PGP2s called every single of us, PGP1s to say all the best from wherever in the world they were. What was the need for them to do this? What were we offering them that they had to do this?

Whenever seniors from previous batches come to Ahmedabad, they come to their dorms and take every current dorm resident for a meal at some good place. These seniors are meeting all the residents for the first time and probably for the last time in their lives. Why would anyone take spend time, energy, money on such people? They still identify with the residents. What makes them do so?

All my arguments may look as if coming from an emotional state of mind. Partly it is correct. But I sincerely believe that I have never been so rational before as I am now, while writing this. I have kept this anonymous, but I guess it would be pretty revealing (sorry, could not help it).

An Ethical Dilemma

In my second term during graduation, in one particular course, everyone in the class was asked to write one Ethical Dilemma that each of us had sometime during our lifetimes. We had to mail these to the Professor and could ask him to not disclose / mention it in class. Just sharing mine.

***
I know that the dilemma I am going to write here is sort of cliché. However, this is something I always remember and have learnt from.

During my 10^th standard board exams, some students from my class told me that they would get the board papers a few hours in advance. In short, they said that they had sources through which they can source the papers. Initially, I did not believe them. However, they were somehow able to convince me, though they did not have to try hard for that. They also said that I too can get the paper and we can share the expense of getting the paper among ourselves.

As every family does, my family has taught me to stay as far away from such activities as possible. I have also been told by my parents to tell them everything. They say that even if you do anything that is ‘wrong’, just let them know. I contemplated whether to tell them or not about this offer. Somehow, I came to the conclusion that it is better to tell them rather than they getting to know afterwards.

They were of the opinion that I should not get into such things. It is not about the money. They said that these things more often than not end up wasting a person’s time. Instead of concentrating on studies, one tries hard to get the leaked papers. They also said that there would be distinct copies of so-called leaked papers floating around the day before the exam and so the reliability is also absent.

I was adamant at getting the papers even if that meant spending a few bucks and a few hours. So, I told one of my friends that I was in for the papers and he informed me that I would get the paper at 10p.m. the previous night (a good 13 hours before the exam).

The day before the exam, I found myself relying much on this paper and in the process forgetting to put in my required bit of studies. My parents were concerned about this lack of effort much more than I was. As time progressed, at one hand I was getting impatient about getting the papers, while on the other hand, I started thinking if this is the right thing to do. Why I started thinking in such a fashion is not clear even to myself. I suppose the values imbibed in me came to the fore. As the clock approached 10p.m., I got more and more convinced that this was not the right thing to do. I discussed this with my parents and they said that they had left this on me for they cannot always force their will on me.

So, as my friend called around 10:30 to tell me what the questions were, it became quite clear that I would not be able to do this. I told my friend that I do not require the questions and that the payment I had promised would be honored in any case.

The next day, after the exams, when I met my friends I came to know that only a few of the questions from the apparently leaked paper had come in the actual exam.

Does it not bother you?

Prof. SH used to tell us in class how Mr. JRD Tata, once while travelling in Air India was being served food using a food trolley (He had the airline company as ‘Tata Airlines’ before). He observed that the trolley was not working properly and that the wheels were not tightened fully. Everybody might have observed that and neglected it. The person carrying the trolley would also be aware about that.

Mr. JRD saw the food trolley being carried towards him. When it came close to him, he pulled out his pen, bent down and tightened the wheels.

Prof. SH used to ask us, why does it not bother you if something is not working properly, especially if you are using it or are in some way affected by / attached to it? So, if there is a tube-light which is blinking in your office, does it not occur to you that it needs to be changed. You might not do it yourself, but at least the facilities people can be informed about it. Or do you wait for them to do their periodic check and find out or wait till some other person brings it to their attention.

I have been guilty of similar things myself and so somehow could relate to it. Many a times, I take the “it’s ok” attitude a little too far.

In my dorm, in the common area, I see things lying around in a not so orderly fashion. I understand that in a dorm, you cannot expect everything to be properly arranged and all, and may be that is the way it should be. But, it sometimes feels a little more out of order than necessary. I try to put in the old newspapers in a stack so that they do not keep lying around. The helper can be asked to keep things clean & proper and a little hard tone would do no harm. I always ask him to sell away the old newspapers scrap merchant once a certain quantity of paper gathers. He also benefits from the little money that he gets by selling these. Infact, when I was last in the dorm, he himself had started asking if he can take away the papers.

I am not boasting or anything. It just feels that the dorm is my home and I would have done this at my home as well. So, I am not obliging anyone.

Even when I was working, we had this small room in which we had business magazines, newspapers etc – kind of a small library room. And again the old magazines used to lie around the room; the stack for one particular magazine had other magazines in between etc. I don’t blame others, for they themselves did not have problems (or did not seem to have problems) with such arrangements.

Prof. SH used to wonder why does this behaviour not come out automatically? Why does one’s heart not get pained on seeing such things? Why does one not start setting things "right" and just ignores such things?

Mumbai and beyond ...

I had been feeling somewhat guilty of not writing anything about the Mumbai attacks, especially since it is my home city. I thought about writing a number of times but didn’t exactly knew what to write. Should I be angry with everyone from the government to the militants? Or should I sympathize with those civilians who were killed and remove my hat remembering the men who did not care for their lives and wanted to stop the terror?

Being geographically so far from the actual happenings, I was amazed how quick the information / news spread. Within an hour or 2 of the start of the events, I got to know of it and immediately contacted my family back home. They were fine and then I started getting in touch with my friends who were somewhat associated with Mumbai to see how they and their families were doing. I am always remembered about the Delhi blasts where someone I knew was so very affected.

In the last few days, I have heard so much about everything even remotely connected with the happenings – views, comments, opinions etc. Obviously, there is a lot of rage and disappointment and many other emotions surfacing among people.

I would be going back to Mumbai in some time. Somebody asked me if I was scared of going there. I thought how ridiculous the question was. It is my home, and does somebody get scared while going to home?

Some years back, when I used to see regions that were very affected with violence, terrorism etc, I used to think why don’t people just leave these places and get settled elsewhere – not all but there should be a large exodus. I thought that it would be due to the constraints regarding inability to replicate the kind of life somewhere else – difficult to sell home and buy another, finding a new job etc.

Now, I see that though this might be true, the reason is much more than the enlisted constraints. It is your home. How can you leave it? Yes, there are issues – no one is denying that. But you have to deal with them and not leave the place and move away.

My grandparents always tell me this thing – when your house is dirty, you clean your house and not start living in someone else’s (because yours is dirty). I found it so much applicable in different contexts – one of which is this. When there is crisis in Mumbai, should I leave this place and think that it is better if I can find opportunities elsewhere? (Another context when I remember this thought from my grandparents is when somebody says – you should settle outside the country; don’t you think you would be wasting your life in your country?; look at all the opportunities if you go someplace else) I would like to clarify, that I do not consider that the place I live in is dirty. It is just that, we have to do some usual dusting and things would be fine.

I do not know how much, but finally the people are the ones who are responsible – and I am one of those responsible. Paresh Rawal aptly puts it in the film Nayak (the spirit behind the words have larger applicability)

"
Aaj jisse bhi poocho who kahega, main doctor banunga, IAS banunga, vakil banunga
Lekin ek bhi aadmi neta banne ko tayaar nahin hain, pooch lo
Politics ek gutter hain bolke sab log bhaag jaate hain
Lekin koi bhi iss gutter main utar kar isse saaf karne ko tayyar nahin hain
Aur desh ko inn buddhe bhediyon ke haath main chodh kar chale jaate hain
Jinke paas jine ke liye zindagi bhi nahin bachi hain


Tumhare jaise desh ke sabhi nau jawan yehi sochte hain
Ki 15-20 hazaar ki naukri mil jaaye, ek sundar si ladki shaadi karne ko mil jaaye
Aur phir budhape tak rupya rupya jama karke sheher ke bahar adha acre zameen kharid lenge
Wahan 700-800 sq ft. ka ek ghar banayenge aur ghar pe peela paint hoga
Samne garden hoga aur garden main easy chair pe baithke akhbaar padte huye apni biwi se kahenge ki
‘Darling, politics ne iss desh ko khatam kar diya hain’


Arre jaon koi hakk nahin hain kissiko politician ko gaali dene ka”
"

The Economic Meltdown

Orkut testimonials

The sole testimonial I received on Orkut from one of my friends, Mr. SS

" Ashutosh .... I feel he is a very different guy ... he reads obscure things and has very very different ideas ... but he is never afraid to share them and that is something which makes him unique .....

A true mumbaite .... A true blogger .... A true mast dude ...."


The sole testimonial that I have written on Orkut (and this was for the same Mr. SS)

"After so many testimonials written, there is no guarantee that everything would be original. But something I have learnt from Funti (Shubham, in slang) is to keep trying (or some might call it, keep fighting). And so, I would write one.

He is a person who thinks a lot and always has some suggestion(s) which could improve someone’s life. To some extent, the points he asked me to concentrate on were responsible for my sole job offer; and so I would like to thank him (which I think I have not done before).

Things he works for always comes his way, due to the sheer effort he puts in. Finally, I expect to hear from him a lot - after IIT - given his networking skills."

If Google Were ...